Yugi's Uber Secret Diary That Isn't Really Secret
by senjougahara
Summary: This is the story all about how Yugi's life got flipped turned upside down.


This has a lot of NO NO words in it. My sincerest apologies if that bothers you. Oh and caps. Which you are about to witness below. If you keep reading. I don't give a FUCK.

SUP BITCH MY NAME IS YUGI MOTO I'M 11 YEARS OLD AND I'M IN THE 5TH GRADE. MY BFFLS ARE JOEY WHEELER, TEA GARDNER, AND TRISTAN TAYLOR. THEY'RE ALL 19 YEARS OLD AND IN THE 5TH GRADE TOO BECAUSE THEY'RE DUMB AS FUCK. WE SPEND OUR DAYS PLAYING UNO AND WRITING SEXY FANFICS IN ALL CAPS. I APOLOGIZE IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ALL CAPS BUT THIS IS MY KEYBOARD NOT YOURS SO FUCK OFF. ALSO I BLAST CURSE WORDS LIKE STDs SPEWING FROM A FIRE HYDRANT BECAUSE OF PUBERTY I GUESS. IDK.

AnyWEEVIL. HAHA. GET IT? LIKE THAT NERD WITH THE BOWLCUT WHO HAS SEX WITH BUGS ALL THE TIME?

Anyweevil, me and my bffls be playin some mega intense uno. Like this is serious fo real business. Like one time I put down a red draw 2 card, and then like the card exploded and a pokemon just came out of it and totally blew Tristan's nipple off with a missile launcher.

We took him to a hospital, but Nurse Joy wasn't there which was really weird because usually when there are pokemon involved you can expect:

A. annoying ass people who never shut the hell up and want you to battle them all the time,

and B. Nurse Joy.

We decided to turn uno into a profession like any other 19 year old in the 5th grade and travel across the world like Eliza Thornberry. Only we can't talk to animals. Although, Joey's Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. So I guess thats good enough.

We found out about Intense Mega Uno after I asked my grandpa how he got his hair so awesome and scene-like. He told us he challenges people to uno games and then kills them and purges their soul for a special base ingredient in a hair styling product composed from people's hopes and dreams.

Also, he uses conditioner. Twice.

We wanted uber scene grandpa hair like he had, so we went out and scavengered helpless unsuspecting victims. It was hopeless though because we all suck and lose all the time. I even lost to a fucking table. What the fuck. Honestly. Fuck.

We thought all hope was lost, so like I always do in depression, I went to Wal*Mart. Wal*Mart solves everything. There, I found a million piece puzzle. Only I felt like I was playing Jenga rather than solving a puzzle. After 999,999 years of trying to solve that fucker, I finally finished it. Then my bitch mom totally ran in and smashed it. Then she started dry humping the pieces. What the fuck.

"What the fuck?" I asked.

"I'M YUGI'S MOM," Yugi's Mom said. She then looked up at the ceiling and opened her mouth real wide.

Like this wide: :( )

That was what her face looked like. Right up there. ^^^^^^^^^

She looked up at my ceiling and opened her mouth real wide, then like fired a mini-van out of her mouth and blew a hole through the poster of Joey's Milkshake I had up there to stare at until I fell asleep. I was mega pissed.

Then she grew wings out of her ass and flew away. ASS WINGS.

So then it took me 1 more year to build that bastard again. It shouldn't have taken 999,999 years, but I was pretty occupied with Hello Kitty Online.  
That shits crazy.

Then I realized today was my 1,000,011th birthday. I wanted some gifts dammit.

I went to Wal*Mart again to get another 1,000,000 piece puzzle, but first I uber-glued the one I built so it would stay together. It was in the shape of a pyramid btw. FOR YOU DUMBASSES WHO DONT KNOW WHAT A FUCKING PYRAMID IS, ITS LIKE A REALLY BIG ICE CREAM CONE ONLY MORE BOX-LIKE THAN CIRCLE-LIKE.

Then it started talking to me. I urinated my pants.

"HI UGLY WANT TO BE SEXY LIKE GRANDPA BUT YOU NEED FOOF HAIR. YOU GET FOOF HAIR. SAY YU-GI-OH NOW. NOW BITCH," my puzzle said.

"lol k," I said, "YU-GI-OH MOTHERFUCKERRRR."

I THEN LOOKED IN THE MIRROR IN AWE.

I HAD TRANSFORMED INTO SAILOR MOON

AND MY HAIR WAS SEXY LIKE GRANDPA'S

AND MY VOICE WAS DEEPER TOO. THE PUZZLE MADE ME HIT PUBERTY. OR MAYBE IT WAS THE 1,000,000 YEARS SPENT BUILDING IT. I DON"T GIVE A FUCK.

MY LIFE HAD BEEN COMPLETED.

OR SO I THOUGHT.

BUT FOR NOW I'M GONNA GO PLAY SUMMORE HELLO KITTY ONLINE.

TO BE CONTINUED.


End file.
